you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
