I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
