No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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