Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just pee around me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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