i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
