So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
