i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They took my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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