She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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