my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
