yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
