umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
