I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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