Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He better not be in your backpack
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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