____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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