so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
