Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
