i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
