Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
