Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
