So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
