"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
