He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
