There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Too much gin, very little bucket
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
