maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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