after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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