as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if only i could text you this smell
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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