Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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