Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My liver is preforming stress tests.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
