sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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