my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
