return my video game
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
