dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
