i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's blow job season.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
