Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
