What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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