Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
