it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
