He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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