Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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