Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
