Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
