I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
