Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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