Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize