well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't deserve a penis
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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