Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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