Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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