you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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