He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
