he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
