She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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