Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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