I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
