and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
