I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize