Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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