oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
