I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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