I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
