I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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