i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
